


한  키스  주세요

by blackrainbow



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-15 21:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2244207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrainbow/pseuds/blackrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gayoung just wants a kiss from Changmin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Gayoung fell again. Her left knee already bled and now her right one. She got up and looked at it. “Oppa! Wait for me!”

 

But Changmin wasn’t in sight. With her short legs, Gayoung ran as fast as she could to the playground, just to find Changmin wasn’t there either.

 

“Yah, you silly girl, how can you be so clumsy, huh?”

 

Gayoung turned around. “Oppa!”

 

“Look at you… so dirty! Hyeryeon Imo will be angry!” Changmin patted Gayoung’s skirt to get rid of the dirt. “Come here…” he took her by the hand to the nearest tap and let the water run. He crouched down and cleaned Gayoung’s leg.

 

“Ouch! It hurts…” Gayoung whined, the wound felt sharply hurt when it touched the water.

 

“Then you should be careful next time!” Changmin said again. “You’re eight already.”

 

“I’m nine!” she quickly corrected him.

 

Changmin sighed and sat on the ground. “Sit here,”

 

Gayoung gladly sat on Changmin’s lap, her knees bent and it was easier to clean her wound. “Oppa, I really like you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

Changmin startled. “Boyfriend? Kids your age talk about that kind of things?”

 

“Most of my friends have boyfriend already… I want one,” Gayoung flinched when Changmin accidentally touched her wound.

 

He just chuckled, before finally took her home.

 

 

*

 

 

“I wanna go to Gaepo!” Gayoung said. “The same high school as Changmin Oppa.”

 

“That’s good.” Mrs Shim said, took the cookie Mrs Moon just baked.

 

The two mothers were bestfriends, they were neighbor, lived next to each other. They gossips, talked about neighborhood’s mothers and went shopping together. Changmin’s mother, Shim Yejin wanted a daughter, and she oftenly brought pretty dresses for Gayoung. In the other hand, Mrs Moon Hyeryeon, was a good cook. Changmin was excited whenever Mrs Moon went to his house to cook lunch and always waited impatiently in the dining room, before finally gave up and went to the kitchen. Usually Mrs Moon would pack two lunchboxes, for her daughter, and for Changmin.

 

“The school has a good reputation. And the kids can go to school together. Changminnie can take care of Gayoung.”

 

Gayoung grinned, went upstairs and opened her windows wide. “Oppa!” from her window, she could see Changmin’s window, half opened. “Changmin Oppa!”

 

She called some more times, until finally Changmin revealed himself. “What is it? Don’t be so noisy!” Changmin said, felt annoyed a bit.

 

“Oppa, I’m going to the same school as you!”

 

Changmin’s big eyes widened. “What?”

 

Gayoung nodded. “We can go to school together!”

 

Changmin just scoffed.

 

“Oppa, now that we’re going to the same school, can you become my boyfriend, then?”

 

“Yah!”

 

“Why?? You always ignore my question if I- hey! Oppa! Why you close the window?!”

 

 

*

 

 

“Oppaa~ why did you leave me!” Gayoung ran after Changmin and linked her arm with his.

 

“You were talking with your friends…” Changmin mumbled an alibi.

 

Gayoung just hummed happily. “By the way Oppa, you haven’t answered my question.”

 

Changmin looked confused. “What is it?”

 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

“Again?”

 

“Oppa, I really like you!” Gayoung tightened her hold on Changmin’s arm.

 

Changmin took a deep sigh and stopped walking. “Yah, as a girl, it’s inappropriate to talk so straightforward like that.”

 

“Why? Why is it inappropriate being honest?” she stopped as well and looked at Changmin innocently.

 

Changmin looked at her and was at loss. Then he continued walking. He said nothing until they reached home.

 

 

*

 

 

“Oppa, will you be my boyfriend?”

 

“Seriously, Gayoung?!”

 

Gayoung kind of stole Changmin away during his basketball practice, the coach asked Changmin, which was the captain, to come to his room before they began.

 

“You’re not giving any answer after-“

 

“Okay, alright?!” Changmin said, half desperate, half frustrated. “But listen, we can’t let people know.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The coach won’t let me play if he knows I’m dating. It’s the rule. He… doesn’t want anything distract us.”

 

“Okay!”

 

 

*

 

 

“Why are you still here?”

 

“I’m waiting for you.” Gayoung stood up from her seat. She was waiting for Changmin in the bus stop.

 

“It’s late already. Imo will be worry.”

 

“She knows I’m with you, so it’s okay.” Gayoung walked with Changmin. “Here,” she gave him a bottle of energy drink. “It’s not as cold now. I should’ve bought it a bit later…”

 

Changmin mumbled a thanks, and said nothing when he felt the girl moved closer, her shoulder brushed her upper arm as they walked. Changmin waited outside as Gayoung opened the gate of her house.

 

“Oppa, do you want to come in?” she asked when she was at the door.

 

Changmin shook his head. “Hurry, it’s already dark.”

 

“Got it.” Gayoung smiled, turned, and opened the door. “Oppa!”

 

Changmin stopped his step and looked at her.

 

“I love you!”

 

Changmin scoffed and went to his home, the next house.

 

 

*

 

 

“Really? You kidding me!” Sujeong squealed.

 

“Really! He finally accepted me!” Gayoung’s grin was so wide it hurt her cheeks a bit but she couldn’t help it.

 

“Omo, you’re so lucky, Gayoung-yah! Just like a girl in drama! Grow up together, until finally married… so romantic!” Luna slapped Gayoung’s butt.

 

“Like Jun Jihyun!” Sujeong added, and they laughed.

 

“But you can’t tell anyone!” Gayoung warned them.

 

 “Why?”

 

“Changmin Oppa is the basketball team captain, right? The coach doesn’t let anyone in the team dating.”

 

Luna and Sujeong looked at each other confusedly and frowned a bit.

 

“Got it?”

 

The girls nodded. “Okay.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Ya, the formula is written right here… what’s wrong with you?” Changmin hit Gayoung’s head with his pencil.

 

“Where, where?”

 

Changmin sighed and circled the formula.

 

“Ah~~ so that’s one?” Gayoung quickly wrote down the formula on her book. “Oppa do you see my glasses?” she lifted her books and pencil case.

 

“It’s on your head.”

 

“Oops…” Gayoung wore her glasses properly. “I forgot my headband… my hair falling to my face…” she slipped her hair behind her ear.

 

Changmin tied her pony up while Gayoung was busy writing, then went back to the book he was reading, laid on the bed comfortably.

 

“Kids, don’t study too hard, I make some snacks for you…” Mrs Shim came with a tray full of food and two cups of tea.

 

“Thank you Imo!” Gayoung turned in her seat and quickly came to take over the tray.

 

“Omo, Gayoungie, why is your hair like that?”

 

“Huh?” Gayoung took a good look to the mirror on Changmin’s wardrobe. Her hair tied up and it looked like a small ridiculous fountain on the top of her head. “Oppa!”

 

“You said that your hair covering your face.” Changmin didn’t lift his head from the book he read.

 

Gayoung huffed and Mrs Shim just laughed before she left the room.

 

“Don’t you dare to eat if you haven’t finished your homework.” Changmin said calmly.

 

“But I can’t think if I’m hungry!” Gayoung protested.

 

Changmin gave her a hard glare.

 

“I think… you’ll be softer that you’re my boyfriend.” Gayoung mumbled.

 

“Shhh!” Changmin shushed her. “What if my mother heard?”

 

“Why if she heard?!”

 

“Knowing her she’ll ask me to marry you directly…” he grumbled. “Don’t let her know.”

 

Gayoung just sighed. She finished her homework and gave it to Changmin to check. Sneakily took a biscuit and put it whole in her mouth.

 

Changmin wore his glasses and checked her homework. “What is this? How come-“ he looked at the question. “Ya, you use the wrong formula! That one is for the question number three! Gayoung, are you-“ he glanced at the girl with full mouth. “Are you eating?”

 

“I’m hungry Oppa…” her voice was muffled a bit.

 

“You just ate dinner!”

 

“But Oppa, I…” some crumbs fell from her mouth when she was talking.

 

Changmin sighed. “Just eat. Quick. And clean the crumbs.”

 

Gayoung finished her homework a little after 10, and Changmin nodded approvingly before he closed her book. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

 

“It’s okay, Oppa, it’s only five steps away.” She tidied up Changmin’s table after she used it and put her things in her bag.

 

“Twenty with your short legs.” Changmin corrected.

 

Gayoung slapped Changmin’s arm, she said goodbye to Mrs Shim and Changmin told her that he’d walked Gayoung home.

 

“You always walk me home… is it because you’re my boyfriend?” Gayoung nudged Changmin with her shoulder when they were walking to her house.

 

Changmin snorted. “Stop saying nonsense.”

 

“It’s not nonsense!”

 

Changmin looked at the girl beside him. “You should fix your hair.”

 

Gayoung touched her hair. Ah, right. It was messy from Changmin’s attempt to tie her hair. “It’s okay… I like it because you do it.”

 

Changmin gave her a look.

 

Gayoung laughed. “It’s easy to make me happy, right, Oppa?” she said as she went into her house.

 

Changmin said nothing but helped her to lock her gate from outside.

 

“Kiss.”

 

Changmin sharpened his eyes as he looked at the girl in front of him, separated by the gate only. “What?”

 

“Kiss.” Gayoung repeated, tried a bit cutely, and pointed to her cheek.

 

Changmin pinched her cheek hard. “Aigoo… how can a girl think of things like that?! Yah, think of your studies first, you silly!”

 

“Ah, ah!” Gayoung slapped Changmin’s hand on her cheek. “It hurts, Oppa!”

 

Changmin hissed. “Go inside.”

 

“Okay…” she pouted. “See you tomorrow,” she winked. “Darling!” she laughed before closed the door.

 

Changmin scoffed. When he walked back to his house and went to his bedroom, Gayoung was waiting in her own room, waved through the window.

 

“Sweet dream, Oppa~!” she said as quiet as possible.

 

Changmin looked at her in amusement. “Just go to sleep.” he said before he closed the window and the curtain, missed Gayoung’s pout disappointed look.

 

 

*

 

 

“Oppa, can we hold hands?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?!”

 

“Someone might see.”

 

Everyday Gayoung asked for holding hands on their way to school. And everytime, Changmin said no.

 

“So you two never hold hands?” Luna asked when she braided Gayoung’s hair.

 

“Well… there was this one time when we were going to the cinema… I held his hand but he said nothing, so…”

 

“He never initiated anything?” Sujeong asked.

 

“Well…” Gayoung tried to think hard. But still, the answer was nope.

 

“This is bad…” Sujeong mumbled. “How long had you two been together?”

 

Gayoung counted. “Three weeks last Tuesday.”

 

Sujeong continued to read her magazine. “Besides holding hands, what other kind of skinship had you done with him?”

 

Gayoung hummed. Changmin pinched her cheeks. Nose sometimes. And pulled her ears. Usually knocked on her forehead when she made the same mistake on her homework. But she doubted they were skinship Sujeong was talking about. “Umm… I hold him?”

 

“You hold him?!” Luna repeated.

 

“Just his arm. Hahaha…” Gayoung added a dry laughed. “Oh, he tied my hair, does it count?”

 

Sujeong gave her an odd look. “I don’t know, Young-ah… but… you’re relationship with Shim Changmin sunbae-nim is not progressing.”

 

“He always walks me home.” Gayoung added, almost desperately. “Does it mean something?”

 

“Even though you live next to him? Wow, that’s pretty sweet.” Luna said, tied Gayoung’s hair and adjusted her braid.

 

“Right?” Gayoung smiled to Luna. “Oh! It’s so pretty… thanks Luna!” Gayoung looked at the mirror.

 

“He always walks you home even before you two started this relationship. I hate to break this to you, but that means, it means nothing, Gayoung.” Sujeong said concernedly. “Because nothing changes before and after the relationship.”

 

Gayoung said nothing and Sujeong pushed the magazine she read to her.

 

“Yeah… holding hands is normal even for first date.” Luna said from behind Gayoung’s shoulder, reading as well.

 

Gayoung didn’t want to tell her bestfriends that Changmin actually refused to hold hands when they went out together for the first time. “It’s embarrassing,” he said.

 

“A kiss on the cheek? Never?” Luna pointed a headline on the magazine.

 

Gayoung shook her head. She’d rather not tell the story of how she got pinched when asked for a kiss.

 

“A kiss on lips usually done before a month…” Luna mumbled as she read.

 

“We haven’t kissed yet…” Gayoung mumbled.

 

“Yeah… but it’s just a magazine,” Sujeong said when she realized Gayoung looked a disappointed. “I bet everyone’s different, right.”

 

Luna nodded, Gayoung just shrugged.

 

“Luna, when’s your first kiss with Kyungsoo?” Sujeong asked.

 

“A week?” Luna said slowly. “Well, it was kinda accidental, though. But it turned to a real kiss.” She laughed. “How about you, Jeongie? With… who’s that your ex..?”

 

“Hmm… three days?” Sujeong lifted her eyebrows. “Great. I sound like a whore.”

 

“No, no, no, no…” Gayoung and Luna quickly replied.

 

“But we broke up. You see, Gayoung, maybe it’s a good thing to take it slow.”

 

“Yeah, but you know it too, right, that it takes too long?”

 

Luna and Sujeong wanted to admit it, but didn’t want Gayoung to feel down either.

 

 

*

 

 

“You don’t have to wait for me. You can go home by yourself.” Changmin said as he wiped his sweat.

 

Gayoung just looked at the road in front of them. “It’s fine. It’s…”

 

Changmin looked at her.

 

“…okay.” Gayoung continued.

 

“Starting next week, the 12 graders will have additional lesson, for university, you know. I’ll be going home late.” Changmin said.

 

“Really? Wow… time flies so fast… then, which university do you choose, Oppa?”

 

“I’m thinking Konkuk… or Kyung Hee, maybe.”

 

“Wow, that’s great! I believe you can get in, no matter which one.” Gayoung smiled to Changmin.

 

“It’s not easy, though.”

 

“But you’re so smart, Oppa!” Gayoung replied. “And you always able to spot any mistakes in my homework. I always got perfect mark! Though the teachers started to question me because of my score during tests.”

 

“Yah, you still can’t do them?”

 

“It’s just a small mistake!” Gayoung quickly replied. “Because I was in a hurry so I couldn’t check my answer…”

 

“You really have to think quickly, you know.”

 

“I know…” she muttered.

 

 Gayoung stopped before they arrived at her house. “Oppa, wait.”

 

Changmin looked at her confusedly.

 

Gayoung pulled Changmin with her to the other side of her house, a little space between her and Changmin’s house, hidden in the shadow and leaned on the bricked wall.

 

“What is it?” Changmin asked.

 

Gayoung closed her eyes and leaned closer to Changmin, pouted her lips.

 

Changmin tsked and left.

 

When Gayoung opened her eyes, Changmin was already on the gate of his house.

 

 

*

 

 

“I think he’s mad at me…” Gayoung leaned lifelessly to the wall. Across her class was Changmin’s classroom. She could see the man was reading his textbook, deaf to the world around him as he listened to his earphone.

 

“But you went to school together?” Luna asked.

 

“Yeah… but he said nothing, though.”

 

“Have you text him?” Sujeong asked.

 

“We’ve never text each other, though. We live next to each other. I’d rather just come to his house and talk.” Gayoung answered.

 

“Well, you can try to text him now.” Sujeong said.

 

Gayoung let Luna typed on her cellphone.

 

_I’m sorry… :’(_

_I love you…_

_Send to: Changmin Oppa <3_

 

Luna looked at Gayoung, asked for her approval. Gayoung touched the _Send_ button, and looked at Changmin again, waited for his response.

 

“He received it, he received it,” Sujeong said, she was looking as well, noticed when Changmin glanced to his phone on the table. Looked at it for a while…

 

And went back to his book.

 

“Well… he’s studying.” Gayoung shrugged.

 

“But can’t he read just for a while?” Luna almost whined.

 

The trio said nothing as they just watched Changmin reading in silent.

 

There was a girl with long straight hair, took the empty seat in front of Changmin, talked to him. Changmin immediately took off his earphone and smiled to her. She said something, then he laughed and nodded.

 

He closed the textbook.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Gayoung was sitting on the bed, waiting for Changmin who was taking a bath. She looked around the familiar room.

 

She spotted Changmin’s phone on the table. She knew she shouldn’t. But she knew if she was fast enough, Changmin wouldn’t know.

 

In the end, the devil won. Gayoung took Changmin’s phone and felt a bit disappointed that her name in his phone was still, plainly, just ‘Gayoung’. Not even Gayoungie.

 

She knew she should just stop until there. It should fulfill her curiosity just fine. But again, the devil won. She browsed through Changmin’s inbox. And the screen filled with messages from the same person; Qian.

 

Qian?

 

It wasn’t a familiar name. But even when she scrolled down, it was still the same name that filled Changmin’s inbox, with occasional other messages, like from Gayoung herself, or Mrs Shim, or his friends. But still, it was dominated by the messages from this Qian.

 

Gayoung heard a noise, and quickly put Changmin’s phone back to its place. She waited, but Changmin wasn’t coming. So she decided to come out and helped Mrs Shim with her cooking. After a while, Changmin finished his shower and went to his room and Gayoung followed him.

 

“Oppa, can I ask something?”

 

“What?”

 

Gayoung contemplated whether she should or shouldn’t ask about that person in his phone. But then Changmin would know that she was messing with his phone and Gayoung rather not dealt with angry Changmin. “Can I dry your hair?”

 

“You can’t even reach my chin let alone my hair.” But he gave Gayoung the towel anyway.

 

“So you should sit down!” Gayoung pulled a chair closer.

 

Changmin complied, grinned cheekily but let Gayoung dried his hair carefully. And when Gayoung came back from the laundry room where she put Changmin’s towel, the man was practicing his guitar skill.

 

“How’s your lesson going, Oppa?” Gayoung asked.

 

“So so.”

 

“I join the Summer Festival committee.” Gayoung said and sat on the bed.

 

Changmin lifted his head and looked at her. “Isn’t it like… a week away?”

 

“Yep, and they need all the help they can get, so I join. And so, we can go home together again!” Gayoung grinned. “It’s win win, Oppa.”

 

Changmin said nothing.

 

“Oppa, can you…” Gayoung amazed by Changmin’s long delicate fingers dancing between the strings. “Play me a song?”

 

“I’ve been playing all along.”

 

“I mean, like, really play me a song? Like, pick a song and sing it for me, and play your guitar…” Gayoung asked.

 

Changmin gave her a look.

 

“No?” Gayoung lifted her eyebrows.

 

Changmin got busy again with his guitar and she let her body fell to the bed and sighed. Took the pillow and hugged it. It smelt like Changmin.

 

Changmin was two years older than her. When she was still a little girl, she remembered fell asleep in his bed while waiting for Changmin to finish his homework so they could play together. Maybe he would kick her out if she did that now.

 

So she rolled, lied on her stomach and put her head on her arm, watched Changmin who was sitting on the floor while playing his guitar, leaned to the bed and the music sheets on the chair. His head was like inches away from hers.

 

Gayoung stared at his left ear, traced the curve with her eyes, down to his long soft neck, his wide shoulder, and his strong arm, which was holding the guitar. And she stupidly felt envious to that instrument.

 

“What are you looking at,” Changmin asked flatly without throwing her a glance.

 

Gayoung felt surprised, but leaned closer. “Oppa,”

 

Changmin turned and saw her face near his. Her lips puckered.

 

He could hear his door being opened.

 

Gayoung didn’t know what happened but her head was being hit, hard, and it hurts and- “Ouch!”

 

“Changmin, do you see- oh! Gayoung-ah! What just happened?”

 

Changmin was already on his feet, standing. He cleared his throat. “What is it, Umma?” he asked as calm as possible.

 

Seemed like Changmin was panicked and accidentally hit Gayoung’s head with his guitar when he was standing up. Gayoung kept her face down, pressed to the bed, hands held the back of her head. Didn’t want and didn’t dare to look up from the pain and shame.

 

“Where did you put the TV remote?”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t watch TV. Ask Appa.”

 

Gayoung could hear the door being closed. And Changmin’s steps got closer.

 

“Yah,”

 

Gayoung slowly lifted his head.

 

“Hurts?” he sat on the bed, put his palm on her head and gently massaged it. “What are you trying to do anyway..?”

 

Gayoung said nothing but pouted. She moved her body and sat next to Changmin. “It hurts…”

 

“Did you try to kiss me?” Changmin asked straightforwardly.

 

Gayoung slowly nodded.

 

Changmin sighed deeply and took his hand away from her head. “Why are you so obsessed with it anyway?”

 

“I just…” Gayoung bit her lip. “I just never kissed anyone before. And… now that you’re my boyfriend…” she mumbled. “Is it wrong?”

 

Changmin looked at her. “You can’t have your first kiss plainly just like that. A kiss should be between two person who care about each other, love each other. You can’t have your first kiss in a hurry, it should be in a special moment with the special someone too.”

 

Gayoung listened.

 

“I don’t want you to do it like a child’s play.”

 

Gayoung looked down. She could hear Changmin’s breath and it calmed her heart but also made her blood rushed.

 

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” Changmin stood up.

 

“No, it’s okay.” Gayoung got up from the bed. “I can go home by myself.”

 

“Why are you sulking?”.

 

“No, I’m not, Oppa,” Gayoung gave Changmin a small smile. “I can go home alone. Please continue your practice. Sorry I’ve disturbed you.”

 

 

*

 

 

It was a three days festival and Gayoung had worked her fair share for the first two days so she could enjoy the festival on the last day. In the beginning, Changmin didn’t want to come to the “Crowded, childish festival,” but turned out his band was going to play in the third day. It was a sudden decision, and Changmin had to go whether he wanted it or not.

 

“It’s great! You can go to the rooftop before the fireworks party!” Luna said. “I planned to go there with Kyungsoo but I’ll give this to you and Changmin Sunbae-nim.”

 

“Thank you, Luna!!” Gayoung held the bobbed haired girl.

 

“Anything for you, dear.”

 

“This might be a good chance to have your first kiss, right?” Sujeong nudged Gayoung.

 

Gayoung hummed. “I’m still not sure about that, though…”

 

“Then let’s make you irresistible!” Sujeong grinned mischievously. “That he couldn’t say no to you!”

 

Gayoung blinked.

 

“After school, let’s go to my home first. We need to grab a few things. Luna, you have to come as well!”

 

 

*

 

 

 Gayoung admitted that Sujeong’s body scrub made her skin smooth and nice to touch and left a pleasing honey scent and made a mental note to buy it herself. But changed her mind as soon as she looked at the price.

 

“Sit!” Sujeong said a bit impatiently.

 

Gayoung was still in the towel when Sujeong dried her hair.

 

“Do you hear it?” Luna asked.

 

“What?” Gayoung and Sujeong asked her at the same time.

 

Sujeong turned off the hair dryer.

 

There was a knock on the door.

 

“You continue. I’ll get the door.” Luna said, went outside. Not long after, Gayoung’s bedroom’s door opened again, and Luna got in.

 

“Who is it?” Gayoung asked.

 

“Hello, Gayoung!” Mrs Shim greeted her cheerfully.

 

“Oh! Imo, hello!” Gayoung didn’t expect her to come and Sujeong looked even more shocked as she was.

 

“I was going to meet Hyeryeonnie but she’s not home?” Mrs Shim mentioned Gayoung’s mom.

 

“Yeah… Grandma is sick so Umma is going to her house.” Gayoung said, added an awkward laugh because she basically was naked without the towel and couldn’t move as Sujeong still got a hold of her hair. “So… Imo, they’re my friends. Luna and Sujeong.”

 

“Hello, hello… oh, Gayoung-ah, your friends are so pretty,” Mrs Shim patted Luna shoulder. “I’m Shim Yejin, I live next door. Oh, probably you know my son, Shim Changmin?”

 

Sujeong’s eyes actually had widened since she heard the first ‘Shim’ word, then she gasped as Mrs Shim mentioned Changmin’s name. The others didn’t realize it though, because of the sound of the hair dryer, but Gayoung could hear it. She made a brief, but hard eye contact with Sujeong and shushed her.

 

Luna, who also realized this, looked confused. But silently Gayoung stomped on her feet and shook her head.

 

“Ooh, it’s so fun to do it with your girlfriends… I miss that…” Mrs Shim said longingly when she watched Luna did Gayoung’s hair and Sujeong put on the makeup. “Are you going somewhere, Young-ah?”

 

“Yeah… there’s a Summer Festival at school…” Gayoung looked at Mrs Shim through the mirror.

 

“I bet it’s not only the Summer Festival, right?” Mrs Shim winked. “Are you meeting your boyfriend, Youngie?”

 

“Well…” Gayoung didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie but in the other hand remembered that Changmin didn’t want his mother to know.

 

 “There’s this guy Gayoung’s trying to impress…” Luna replied instead.

 

“Omo, you look so beautiful! He doesn’t stand a chance!” Mrs Shim smiled looking at Gayoung in the mirror. “At least let me do something for you. Should I choose the dress?”

 

 

*

 

 

“Don’t touch it!” Sujeong held Gayoung’s hand.

 

“It feels strange…”

 

“Don’t ruin the makeup… bear with it.” Sujeong said again, knew it felt weird for someone who put on fake lashes for the first time.

 

“Hey, we’re right on time! Changmin Sunbae’s band in up in three minutes!” Luna said after she looked at the schedule.

 

“I can’t see anything from here.” Gayoung said. They were in the field where the stage was, but because they were late, it was quite hard to go closer to the stage because it was filled with the crowd already.

 

“Let’s watch from second floor.”

 

“This heels killing me…” Gayoung mumbled.

 

“Gayoung-ah! Come on!”

 

From there, Gayoung could see Changmin was getting ready with his band. He was wearing long sleeved denim shirt, rolled them to his elbows, and paired it with dark jeans. Even from afar, she could tell he was handsome like a god. His boyfriend was playing the guitar, and he knew Park Yoochun, the guy who was also the festival committee, playing the keyboard. And he knew from Luna, the vocalist was Kim Junsu, they were in drama play together.

 

Gayoung could hear the girls screaming. Well, she admitted that it wasn’t only his Changmin who was a heartthrob. She could see Junsu nicely made some interactions with the audience, and Yoochun threw his charming smiles to the girls.

 

Gayoung noticed when Changmin smiled shyly to a girl and waved a bit to her.

 

“Isn’t she the girl Changmin sunbae talked to?” Luna asked.

 

Sujeong nodded. “Song Qian.”

 

Gayoung turned to look at her.

 

Sujeong looked back. “My sister told me that she’s from China. And yes, she’s in the same class with your boyfriend.”

 

Gayoung could only sigh as she looked at the girl. Her hair was long and straight, unlike her indescribable messy hair. If it wasn’t for Luna’s care, her hair couldn’t be that gorgeous that night. The girl was tall and slim, and Gayoung hated the fact that Changmin would look really good with her. “… she’s pretty.”

 

“Eyy, don’t look at another girl! Tonight, you are the main star!” Luna cheered her up.

 

“The performance is over! I think you can meet Changmin Sunbae now.” Sujeong said, and hurriedly put a layer of lipgloss on Gayoung’s lip. “Go go go get him!”

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin put his guitar bag over his shoulder and checked his phone. Gayoung did tell her that she was going to meet up with him in the festival. It was much more crowded than he thought and he had quite a hard time finding the girl.

 

 She didn’t leave him any text and Changmin sighed and looked around him. Maybe he could explore a bit. He was walking to the nearest stalls which sold crafts when his phone vibrated.

 

_Oppa where are you?_

_From: Gayoung_

 

Changmin decided to call her.

 

“Oppa!” could be heard as soon as the line connected.

 

“Where are you?”

 

“I’m… near the stalls with orange lanterns!” Gayoung replied.

 

Changmin looked around. There were some stalls with colorful lanterns. “What stall?”

 

 “Pottery.”

 

“Wait there.”

 

His tall height was an advantage at time like this. He looked right and left, but didn’t find the pottery stall. He should’ve asked where it was. Which way from the entrance. Or the stage.

 

“I’m sorry, but do you know where the pottery stall is?” Changmin asked two girls who were passing by.

 

“It’s near the balloon shop.” One of them answered.

 

That helped a lot, Changmin thought sarcastically.

 

But there was a girl in front of him, she was wearing a white, loose dress that fell elegantly to the top of her knee. It flowed gently as the wind blew, gave a flash of her white smooth thigh. Changmin admired her straight, gorgeous hair, tied half and braided prettily. He could see her eyes, opened so beautifully, bright, and they were looking at him.

 

“Oppa!” she called.

 

She called. Him?

 

 

It was Gayoung!

 

Changmin gulped as Gayoung walked closer.

 

“I was waiting for you…” Gayoung said.

 

“Did you?” Changmin had to blink and looked away so he wouldn’t seem dumb.

 

 

*

 

 

“You were really cool on stage!” Gayoung said as they explored around.

 

“Really?”

 

Gayoung nodded. “You have lots of female fans now.” She teased.

 

Changmin gave her a brief smile, and looked away.

 

Gayoung sneakily touched Changmin’s left thumb with her fingers, and slowly wrapped her hand around his. But Changmin slowly pulled away.

 

“Someone might see.” Changmin said without looked at her.

 

“… right.” Gayoung tried to hide her disappointment. “Oppa, are you hungry? Let’s buy some snack.”

 

They bought skewers and soda, and Gayoung finished them fast. Wanted to eat some more but afraid it would ruin her lips and made her sweaty. After eating, Gayoung took them to the rooftop.

 

“It’s almost the time for the fireworks. My friend said this is a great spot.” Gayoung said as she held the door open.

 

“I almost forget about this place,” Changmin looked around. “I went here a lot with my friends.”

 

“Really?” Gayoung followed Changmin walked to the edge, so they could look at the crowd under them.

 

Changmin hummed.

 

“Oppa,” Gayoung touched Changmin’s elbow.

 

Changmin looked at her.

 

“Do I look beautiful tonight?”

 

Changmin said nothing. For three seconds. Until he scoffed.

 

“Oppaa…” Gayoung protested.

 

“Ridiculous.” Changmin mumbled.

 

“Not even a little?” Gayoung begged. “A bit pretty?”

 

Changmin looked at her again and looked closely. “Not bad.”

 

Gayoung sighed and looked at the sky in front of them. Not long after, the first fireworks launched, burst into purple and blue in the dark night. The second and third came almost at the same time, flickered around, before exploded to a picturesque orange and yellow, almost like golden.

 

“The fireworks are up there.” Changmin said after he realized Gayoung was looking down, not up.

 

“It’s the people,” Gayoung said. “You see their faces when the fireworks lit up and exploded? They somehow smiled unknowingly, fascinated and amazed by such simple things…”

 

Changmin watched her watching the crowds.

 

“I think… isn’t it the best happiness? By small things you can find around you. Seeing someone that happy, makes me feel somehow happy too…” Gayoung looked at Changmin. “Right, Oppa?”

 

“I don’t understand a word about what you were saying.” Changmin chuckled.

 

And his eyes mismatched and laugh genuine, and Gayoung laughed too.

 

Changmin saw Gayoung unconsciously kept rubbing her bare arms, until finally he took off his shirt. He was still wearing a plain white undershirt and he draped his denim shirt around her. “Cold, huh?”

 

Gayoung turned her head and Changmin’s face was so close with hers, she could almost smell his scent and felt his breath on her lips.

 

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and leaned in.

 

Changmin was still. He tsked and pulled back his arms that were around her. “What the heck.”

 

Gayoung opened her eyes.

 

“Is this about the kiss again?” Changmin looked at her, unimpressed. “So all the things you’ve done, is just for a kiss? Do you ever sincerely do something just for me? To make me happy?”

 

“But Oppa, I-“ Gayoung bit her lower lip. It wasn’t just for a kiss. Sure he wanted to please Changmin. She tried hard to make herself look desirable in Changmin’s eyes, at least pretty. She took him here, and she really thought it was the moment. Because everything were so perfect. So beautiful. And maybe it was the time. She, and her special someone, at the special moment.

 

_And I love you._

 

She was going to say all this, but then closed her mouth. Because she knew she made Changmin so upset already. “I… I’m sorry, Oppa.” She said quietly, head down. “I should’ve thought about your feelings too.”

 

Changmin looked at her and felt a bit guilty. “Let’s go home.”

 

Their walk was quiet. And though it was dark and nobody was around, Gayoung didn’t try to hold Changmin hands like she usually did, and even gave some space between them, hugged herself as she looked at the road in front of her emptily.

 

Changmin walked Gayoung to her door and she took off Changmin’s shirt. “Thank you,”

 

Changmin received it without saying anything.

 

“Goodnight.” Gayoung said as she opened the door and got in.

 

“Goodnight.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sujeong and Luna were already grinning widely as soon as the saw Gayoung walked inside the classroom.

 

“Look who just got kissed!” Luna giggled, took a seat beside Gayoung.

 

Gayoung said nothing as she put her bag on the table, head down.

 

“Yah, why so gloomy? What’s wrong?” Sujeong touched Gayoung’s shoulder. “You didn’t kiss him?”

 

Gayoung shook her head slowly. “Of course he won’t kiss me. He… doesn’t even like me.”

 

Sujeong and Luna exchanged a look. “What?”

 

“Gayoung-ya… don’t say that…” Luna put her arm around Gayoung’s shoulder. “What happened?”

 

 

*

 

 

“What time will you finish your lesson, Oppa?” Gayoung asked as they entered the school gate.

 

“Supposed to be at six. How about you?”

 

“Well, the festival’s committee decided to have a little after party.” Gayoung said. “Then I’ll wait for you at the bus stop?”

 

Changmin nodded. “Okay.”

 

They separated as they had different classes. Gayoung was already climbing the stairs when she realized that she still got Changmin’s English textbook. She borrowed it the some days ago for reference to make an essay. Gayoung was going to return it before they parted ways, but forgot.

 

So, she went down again to Changmin’s classroom, but overheard him talking with his friend.

 

“So… you really date her?”

 

Gayoung stopped her step, quickly hid behind the wall so the people inside the class couldn’t see her. She could hear Changmin mumbled a yes. And her heart skipped a beat.

 

“Really? I really never think that you’ll date your neighbor!” the boy laughed. “I don’t believe you’d end up with her, you know…”

 

“Shut up, Kyu,” Changmin’s voice could be heard.  “It’s not like I want to, okay.”

 

Gayoung froze in her spot.

 

“I just said yes to shut her up, so she wouldn’t ask the stupid question over and over again.”

 

There was an unpleasant feeling burnt in her gut, spread across her spine and up to her chest, to her throat, and made her felt chocked. It was quite hard to gather her strength to go away from there, but when there was another student coming by and looked like was going to that class, Gayoung quickly ran away.

 

 

*

 

 

Gayoung was going to the hall where the committee held a little party.

 

“Hey,”

 

Gayoung startled and turned around. “Oppa? What are you doing here?” Gayoung asked, didn’t expect to see Changmin there.

 

“My lesson got cancelled. I thought I’d see you...”Changmin replied.

 

“Really?” Gayoung smiled a bit, felt a little happy somehow. “It isn’t because of the free food?”

 

“Is it that obvious?” Changmin tilted his head.

 

Gayoung just smiled. “It’s okay, Oppa. Come on in.”

 

They bowed to some teachers and went where the food was served on tables.

 

“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, right? Maybe he’s just… embarrassed to admit it to his friends.” Sujeong tried to cheer her up after Gayoung told them about what happened when she was going to Changmin’s class.

“Oh, I’m not that stupid, Sujeong. I totally know what that means.” Gayoung’s fist clenched.

Her friends said nothing.

“But at least, you two are together, right? And isn’t it easier for you to make him likes you? Maybe it will grow naturally as you two get closer.” Luna rubbed her back.

 

“Ya,” Changmin nudged her back to reality. “What are you thinking?”

 

Gayoung blinked. “No… nothing, Oppa.” She didn’t dare to look at him. “You can take the food. Here, use my coupon. I… I’ll be waiting over there.” She turned and took a seat in the corner.

 

She sat and looked at her hands on her lap. The words Changmin just said, and what her friends just said had been spinning in her mind all day. Luna said that it was impossible that Changmin didn’t have any feeling for her at all, they were childhood friends. They had been together since forever. But in the other hand, the fact that Changmin accepted her to be his girlfriend just to stop her to annoy him was just-

 

Someone took a seat beside her and she lifted her head to see who it was.

 

“You’re not eating?” Changmin asked.

 

“I’m not hungry, Oppa.” Gayoung looked away.

 

Changmin sighed softly. “Why are you so quiet today?”

 

“I’m not.” Gayoung assured him.

 

Changmin gave her a look.

 

“I’m fine.” She added.

 

Gayoung really hoped Changmin would walk away. Looking around. Fetching some food. Whatever. That was the first time she didn’t enjoy Changmin’s company. But Changmin stayed. He leaned back and made himself comfortable sitting beside her.

 

Gayoung took a deep breath. She really hated this ugly feeling inside her and wanted to get rid of it. So she braved herself and tried to ask. “Oppa?”

 

Changmin looked at her. “Hmm?”

 

Gayoung looked back at him. “Do you like…”

 

 _No_.

 

She shouldn’t ask.

 

What if he said no? Or didn’t answer at all? Maybe Changmin would just snort. And damn, either way, it would hurt. And maybe destroy everything she had with him.

 

“… macaroni?”

 

Changmin raised his eyebrows.

 

“Um… I- I thought I saw some over there. Let’s… let’s eat something.” Gayoung stood up, left Changmin behind him and cursed her stupidity.

 

They filled their stomach before finally walked back home.

 

They arrived at Gayoung’s house and she remembered something. “Ah, I almost forgot to return you book, Oppa,” she searched inside her bag and took out Changmin’s book. “Here. Thank you.”

 

Changmin received it. “Your essay is done?”

 

Gayoung nodded.

 

“How’s your other homework? You can do it yourself?” Changmin asked again.

 

“Well… now I’m trying to do them myself. It’s not easy but… I can ask my friends, though.”

 

“Or you can ask me.”

 

Gayoung gave him a smile. “You must be tired after your lesson in the evening. And the university tests is coming, right? You have to study hard for that. So… I don’t want to disturb you.”

 

Changmin said nothing for quite a while, so Gayoung lifted her head to see him.

 

“I’m also studying by teaching you.” Changmin said finally. “It’s okay. You can come. I will help you with your lesson too.”

 

Gayoung nodded slowly.

 

“And I believe your friends aren’t as smart as me. So why are you asking them things you don’t know?” Changmin knocked her forehead.

 

Gayoung rubbed her forehead and stole a glance to Changmin. He was smiling to her. “I understand, Oppa.”

 

Changmin leaned to the wall beside him and touched her forehead gently.

 

 

*

 

 

Gayoung thought that her job as the committee would end, but she was wrong. They had to tidy and clean up everything. The boys were taking care of the stage and stalls. The girls were removing the decorations and returning the plants to where it belonged.

 

“Please take this to the back. You know, near the henhouse.”

 

“Okay,” Gayoung lifted the pot and walked. It wasn’t that heavy, the pot was nearly as wide as her hips but she still could manage to carry it.

 

She had never been to the henhouse before, but she was told it was behind the school building. She had reached the back, but no henhouse in sight. Was it covered by something? She looked right and left, turned around and round but still couldn’t find it.

 

Instead, she caught a couple kissing, about ten meters away from where she was.

 

Gayoung was about to turn around and left, but she realized something.

 

That man. His body. His hair. His hands on the back of the girl’s head and around her waist.

 

The pot fell from her hands, thudded on the ground and the couple startled at the sound.

 

“Oppa?”

 

Changmin’s eyes widened as he saw Gayoung.

 

She couldn’t believe this.

 

Shim Changmin, who had been refusing her kiss forever since they became a couple, now, kissing another girl.

 

“What the heck?” came out from her mouth unknowingly. “How can you do this? You told me that you should kiss someone special! Someone you care about, someone you love…” her vision blurred with tears and she blinked it away, and then she saw her.

 

That girl.

 

Song Qian. The one who made Changmin ignore his books. The one who made him laugh. The one who filled his inbox. The one he waved to during his concert.

 

Maybe he wasn’t kissing the wrong person. Maybe she was his special someone. The one he cared about. The one he loved.

 

Gayoung could see his right hand holding hers between their bodies.

 

_He’s never held my hand._

 

Changmin quickly let it go but she already turned around and ran away, before anybody could see her tears fell.

 

 

*

 

 

“Did you see Gayoung?” Changmin asked to a bunch of girls carrying plants.

 

They looked at each other. “I think she left earlier.”

 

Changmin clenched his teeth. Girls and their meaningless answer always stood before him. He ran to the school gate. But she wasn’t there. He went to the bus stop, where she usually was. But of course, she wasn’t there either.

 

He thought of skipping the class, but teacher was already there and they had a test for that day. He had no choice.

 

Changmin wasted no time after school, ignoring people calling his name and went straight home. He went to Gayoung’s house and knocked the door.

 

Mrs Moon opened it. “Oh, Changminnie, what is it?”

 

Changmin tried to smile. “Is Gayoung home?”

 

“I haven’t seen her.” Mrs Moon said. “You’re not going home with her?”

 

Changmin shook his head and looked at his watch. It was a little after eight.

 

“Maybe she’s playing with her friends.” Mrs Moon calmed him down, didn’t expect Changmin to be that worried. “Do you want to stay for dinner? Maybe she’ll be home in a while.”

 

“No, thank you, Imo.” Changmin politely refused. “I think I’ll just go home now.”

 

 

*

 

 

She didn’t know how long she had stayed out there. The sky had turned dark but Gayoung still didn’t feel like moving.

 

She was in the playground, where she and Changmin, and some neighborhood kids played years ago. She was sitting on the swing, but then remembered how Changmin would push her some times, before quickly sat on the next one so they could swing together. And once Gayoung’s swing slowed, he’d got off and pushed her again.

 

She didn’t want to remember that. So Gayoung sat on the slide. Her back felt a bit stiff so she lay down there, looked at the clear summer sky. The stars started to appear, blinked alternately in the dark sky.

 

Gayoung felt stupid. She just realized all the things she had done. How could she blatantly ask Changmin to be her boyfriend? Shamelessly confident. And she never asked whether Changmin liked somebody else or not. That really never came to her mind. He never talked about that kind of things, and she easily took conclusions that Changmin liked nobody.

 

She should’ve known.

 

After she felt a bit fine, she walked back home, opened the door and got in. Tried to erase the memory of Changmin and every time he took her home.

 

She walked straight to her bedroom.

 

“Gayoung-ah, you’re not eating?” Mrs Moon asked from the kitchen.

 

“I’m not hungry.” Gayoung said before she closed her door.

 

Mrs Moon exchanged a look with her husband. “Teenagers.”

 

Mr Moon lifted his shoulders, and continued to eat his dinner.

 

 

*

 

 

“Appa, can I go to school with you?” Gayoung asked as they were eating the breakfast.

 

“Sure, dear.” Mr Moon folded his newspaper. “I can take another road and drop you at school.”

 

“You’re not going with Changmin?” Mrs Moon asked.

 

Gayoung shook her head. “It’s tiring… walking to school.”

 

Mrs Mon gave the lunchboxes to her husband and her daughter. “See you!”

 

She was closing the garage when Changmin came. “Oh, Changminnie! Hello!”

 

“Hello, Imo,” Changmin greeted her. “I’m here to pick Gayoung up?”

 

“She went with her father just now!” Mrs Moon said. “She didn’t tell you?”

 

Changmin was still for a second, before shook his head.

 

“Eyy, what’s wrong with that girl? Why is she leaving you like this?”

 

Changmin chuckled. “It’s okay, Imo.” He said. “I did something that makes her angry. She must hate me right now.”

 

“What are you saying,” Mrs Moon patted Changmin’s back. “She really likes you a lot. Nothing you do will make her hates you.”

 

 

*

 

 

“It’s okay. It’s over anyway.” Gayoung wrapped it up. She just told Luna and Sujeong what happened yesterday.

 

Sujeong and Luna said nothing, but leaned closer to Gayoung, sat on either side of her, quietly hugged her.

 

Gayoung didn’t want to cry in front of her friends, so she patted their arm. “I’m so touched. You guys are so kind to me.”

 

“Let’s go to the mall! There’s this new restaurant I want to try!” Luna grinned.

 

Sujeong nodded. “I wanted to eat some ice cream. The heat is killing me.” She fanned herself.

 

“Changmin Sunbae is a jerk.” Luna said suddenly. “I hate him.”

 

“Ooh, thanks for saying that, Luna.” Sujeong high fived her. “You can’t protest about this one,” she said to Gayoung, who just nodded and high fived Luna as well.

 

 

*

 

 

“Don’t you know what time is it?”

 

Gayoung almost jumped and peed herself in shock. It was dark outside and suddenly there was a man, a tall one, blocked her way.

 

But it was Changmin.

 

So she didn’t answer and continued to walk to her house.

 

“Ya, don’t you know you make your parents worry?” Changmin went after her.

 

“I’ve texted Umma.” She mumbled.

 

“What about yesterday?”

 

Gayoung didn’t answer.

 

“A girl shouldn’t hang around at night! What would people think?! And it’s dangerous.”

 

Gayoung was already in front of her house and she opened the gate.

 

“Gayoung!” Changmin called her.

 

She ignored him, opened the gate and got in.

 

“Ya, Moon Gayoung!”

 

Gayoung turned around and glared at him. “Don’t you ‘Ya!’ me!” she yelled.

 

Changmin closed his lips and gave her a hard look.

 

“You kissed another girl, don’t you feel at least guilty about it? Can’t you treat me a bit more kindly?” Gayoung asked.

 

Gayoung mumbled a “Get lost!” before banged the door behind her.

 

 

*

 

 

Gayoung was eating lunch at the canteen, when suddenly there was a boy coming to his table.

 

“Han Gayoung, right?”

 

She looked at him. “Yes?”

 

“Can we talk for a sec?”

 

Gayoung threw Luna and Sujeong a confused look, and the duo told her to go.

 

“Okay,” she got up from her seat and followed him to the yard, and they kept walking until they reached the basketball court. The place was quite deserted that time.

 

“Um, my name is Suho, I’m from class 10-5.” He said.

 

“Yeah, I think I know you.” Gayoung replied.

 

“Really?” Suho’s face lightened up.

 

Gayoung nodded. “Our class is next to each other. And you’re in the basketball team, right? I think I’ve watched you played.”

 

Suho let out a nervous laugh.

 

Gayoung didn’t understand why he should feel nervous. “So… what do you want to talk about?”

 

Suho cleared his throat. “I… actually…” he took a deep breath. “I like you, Gayoung.”

 

It took some time until Gayoung understood what Suho was talking about.

 

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

 

Her brain suddenly had a hard time to work and she was really slow to understand what he just said. “I’m sorry?”

 

“I… I’ve been thinking about this for a while and… yeah… I don’t know…” he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“But… isn’t the coach doesn’t let the team to date?” Gayoung asked.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Well, I…” she knew it from Changmin. “Heard… somewhere.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Suho said. “I bet he’s kidding about that. I think he knew that some of us are dating, but he’s fine with it.”

 

“Oh…” Gayoung’s mind went blank.

 

So it was just Changmin. Changmin who didn’t want anybody knew about them dating. About him dating her, which was so embarrassing. Because he didn’t like her anyway. Because he said yes just to shut her up.

 

“So… what’s your answer?”

 

Gayoung looked at him. “Why do you like me?”

 

Suho smiled shyly and looked away. “I saw you during the Summer Festival.” He said. “You… you’re really beautiful.”

 

Gayoung scoffed. “It’s just the makeup-”

 

“No, really.” Suho cut her. “I’ve never saw anyone so beautiful and stunning before.”

 

Gayoung looked at his eyes looking at her. It was just simple words of compliment but she was longing to hear it from someone. And he said it so sincerely. “Thank you.”

 

Suho stepped closer and touched her hand, held it. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

Gayoung couldn’t move at that time and her mind had a hard time to know what was happening, but somehow Suho’s face was getting closer, and closer, and he closed his eyes, and their nose touched. And her brain finally got it.

 

Suho was about to kiss her!

 

“Yah!”

 

“Ouch!”

 

Suho’s head was being hit by a basketball from the back and his face landed on Gayoung’s left shoulder.

 

“Sunbae!” Suho quickly bowed to his team captain.

 

“Yah, what are you doing?” Changmin hit Suho’s head with a roll of papers. “How dare you doing inappropriate things at school, huh? Brat!” he hit him again. “Go!”

 

Suho went away after Changmin kicked his butt.

 

“What was that?” Changmin asked Gayoung.

 

“What was what.” Gayoung looked away.

 

Changmin snorted. “So you really wanted to be kissed that badly, huh? Fine!” he grabbed Gayoung’s face with his hand, pulled her close, and kissed her in the mouth.

 

Gayoung could feel Changmin’s moist lips, and the skin was a bit dry, and his mouth felt hurt a bit by the force and she could feel Changmin’s hard teeth poked her mouth from behind his lips. Changmin kissed her. And as soon as she realized it, she quickly pushed him away.

 

Changmin stumbled back.

 

Gayoung slapped him hard and she could feel the sting on her palm. “Want, you said? You said I wanted a kiss, so you kissed me? Before, you said that you have to kiss someone you care about. Someone you love. But now it’s all about want, huh?” her emotions bubbled up in her chest.  “I know you don’t care. And I know you don’t want me either. So why did you kiss me? Am I that pitiful? That pathetic?” she gulped down her feelings and held her sob. “Am I… just a child’s play?” her voice was shaky.

 

“Who said I don’t care about you?” Changmin asked back, stepped forward.

 

“Then do you love me?”

 

Changmin was still. He didn’t answer that. He couldn’t.

 

But Gayoung left. Because she knew the answer without Changmin saying it.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

"Moon Gayoung-sshi?"

 

Gayoung stopped and turned around.

 

It was her.

 

She looked at her and said, "I have something to say."

 

Gayoung was on her way home, almost reached the school gate, but someone stopped her. She didn't say anything and let the other girl to speak.

 

"I'm Song Qian, Changmin's friend."

 

Gayoung just nodded. She knew who she was.

 

Song Qian took a breath and said, "So listen. Um... you saw Changmin and I kissed, right?" she asked. "Well actually..." she took a deep breath.

 

Gayoung felt nervous and she could feel her nails sunk to her palm as her hands tightened to a fist.

 

"This is embarrassing." Song Qian muttered.

 

Gayoung looked at her.

 

"Actually, there's a guy I like..." she gulped.  “And well... he's not my boyfriend, yet," she quickly added. "And… we've never kissed."

 

Gayoung said nothing.

 

"And I've never kissed anyone before. I know. It's stupid.” Song Qian was rambling. "And he's younger than me and I don't want to seem... inexperienced..."

 

Gayoung lifted her eyebrows.

 

"So... I asked Changmin to show me. Teach me. I mean..."

 

Gayoung thought Song Qian was going to say, _kiss me_.

 

"Yeah... so..." Song Qian looked at Gayoung, a bit nervously. "There's nothing between us. We're just friends."

 

Gayoung tried to slow down her breathing.

 

"I... just want to tell you that." Song Qian said.

 

Gayoung looked at her, and were kind of amazed by how beautiful Song Qian was. Her big eyes, small nose, pretty lips, completed by tall, slim body and fair smooth skin. And she almost understood why Changmin liked this girl. Unless she did not. She took a look at her lips and remembered the image of how Changmin's lips pressed against her. "Sunbae, why do you tell me that?"

 

Song Qian blinked. "Because... Changmin asked me to?"

 

"Because he asked you to?" Gayoung repeated slowly.

 

"Yeah... he asked me to tell you. You know, to clear things up?"

 

"Why?" Gayoung asked quietly.

 

"Why, you mean?" Song Qian didn't understand.

 

"Why did he ask you to explain?"

 

Song Qian hummed. "Maybe because... he doesn't want you to tell people things about us?"

 

"Oh,” so Changmin didn't even tell Song Qian that she was his girlfriend. "Is that so?"

 

"I guess so."

 

Gayoung couldn't think. "Okay, then."

 

 

*

 

 

"She's in her bedroom." Mrs Moon said. "Do you need anything?"

 

Changmin gave her his sweetest smile. "No, Imo. But... by any chance, will she come out later?"

 

"Well," Mrs Moon shrugged. "I don't know. Lately she has been locking herself in her room."

 

Changmin frowned a bit.

 

"Just come in, Changminnie, I'll call her,” Mrs Moon widened the door to let Changmin in before she went upstairs to Gayoung's room.

 

Changmin waited nervously and Mrs Moon came down not long after.

 

"You can come up. She's not sleeping yet."

 

"Okay, thank you Imo." Changmin smiled again to her.

 

Mrs Moon patted his shoulder and went back to the living room.

 

The last time Changmin came to Gayoung's room was like, five, or six years ago. He went upstairs, and the door was shut in front of him and he was at loss at what to do.

 

The door opened.

 

"Umma, I don't want-"

 

Gayoung gasped as she didn't expect Changmin to be in front of her door. Her hair was still wet and she was wearing faded, oversized tshirt that covered the pants she was wearing. There was a hole on the left shoulder and Changmin could see her skin. And felt awkward about it.

 

Gayoung looked uncomfortable either, looked everywhere but Changmin. "I'm going to sleep."

 

"Just... for a while." Changmin held the door, afraid that she would push it closed.

 

But Gayoung put her hand on his chest, pushed him. And Changmin, somehow felt weak, just walked back, one, two steps, three... until she closed the door in front of him.

 

As soon as Changmin disappeared from her sight, Gayoung could feel her heart beat so loud and hard she could hear it in her ears and felt her blood pumped fast with every pulse. Gayoung turned off the lamp and let herself fell on the bed. She could hear the steps outside the door.

 

Changmin left.

 

Gayoung didn't know whether she breathed out in relieve or disappointment. She wanted him to go away from there. But also didn't want him to leave. Because she missed him so damn much. She could only look at him at school, and of course when he wasn't looking. Maybe when he was practicing basketball. Or just passed by his class. And she really shouldn't look into his class because Song Qian sat beside him. And now Gayoung could imagine how they always talked to each other during classes or even outside classes, exchanging smiles and glances, laughed together.

 

But well. He left.

 

And finally, she let the drop of tear fell from her eyes. Because she was in the dark, and alone.

 

 

*

 

  

Gayoung put her bag down and sat then she just realized that there was an unopened bottle of energy drink on her table. With a sticky note that read: _For PE_  

 

"Is this yours?" Gayoung asked to Sujeong.

 

She was leaned back to Luna's leg who was sitting on the table behind her, having her hair done. "I think it's for you."

 

Gayoung's eyebrows went up. "Luna?"

 

Luna shook her head, but refused to look at Gayoung.

 

Gayoung felt suspicious. "Do you see anyone putting it here?"

 

Sujeong and Luna didn't answer.

 

"Maybe it's Jongin's..." Gayoung was going to put the bottle to the table in front of her.

 

"Gayoung, it's yours, okay," Sujeong cut her. "Somebody gave it to you."

 

"Who?" Gayoung asked.

 

Sujeong gulped. "Just... somebody?"

 

"Luna?" Gayoung asked.

 

"Well- he... actually- I..." Luna stuttered before Sujeong shushed her.

 

Gayoung sat slowly and looked at the girls beside her. "Is it Suho?"

 

Sujeong's eyes widened. "Suho?"

 

"Not him?" Gayoung looked at the bottle again. Then the note. And wait. That writing was familiar. Right. Of course. She didn't know how she missed it.

 

It just didn't make sense that he would do something like this.

 

And when they started the first lesson, Math, when she opened her notebook, there was a note, with the same handwriting; Hwaiting!!

 

When did he do that? And how?

 

 

*

 

 

They just finished the PE class and it was really hot and tiring and Gayoung was walking back to her class, thought that maybe, she would drink that energy drink from Changmin. Because she was thirsty. And it was there already. So let's not waste it.

 

She wiped her face with the towel as she walked through the corridor, and it was quite crowded with students as it was break time.

 

About six steps away, Changmin was leaning to the wall, near the opened window. Talking to a girl.

 

And Gayoung didn't have to guess who it was.

 

Her steps slowed, and stopped as she stared.

 

Changmin caught her eyes. And Gayoung was like a deer caught in headlights, in a second didn't know what she should do. Changmin's staring distracted Song Qian, as she realized he wasn't paying attention to what she was saying anymore, then she turned around.

 

And Gayoung's brain quickly instructed her legs to walk, walk, dammit, walked like nothing happened.

 

"Gayoung! Jongin's gonna have this dance battle with Taemin!"

 

"Wh- what?" Gayoung was suddenly distracted by her friends, coming in a group.

 

"Let's watch Jongin!" Sehun pushed Gayoung's back.

 

"Auditorium! Hurry!" Luna pulled her hands and they walked quickly to the auditorium on the left.

 

 

*

 

 

Suejong and Luna asked her out to the amusement park in Saturday. Gayoung had arrived and texted her friends, but none of them replied. She called them, but they ignored it.

 

"Gayoung!"

 

Gayoung turned and looked at the person who called her.

 

"Come on!"

 

Gayoung blinked. And she understood. "So you told my friends to trick me here?!"

 

Changmin gulped. "I... well... it's not a trick, it's..."

 

Gayoung hissed. "I'm going home."

 

"Wait, wait," Changmin blocked her way. "Just... let's play. I mean... it's summer. And amusement park!" he smiled widely, but seemed like it wasn't as sincere as he hoped. "And you bought the ticket already."

 

Gayoung sighed, contemplated. "Okay..."

 

"Good!" Changmin held her hand, brought her further in.

 

Gayoung pulled her hands, free from Changmin's grasp.

 

Changmin said nothing, but there was a pang in his heart. Maybe... that was the way Gayoung felt when he rejected to hold hands with her. Maybe worse, as he refused it far more often. "Wanna grab some lunch?" he asked as they walked together.

 

"I'm not hungry."

 

"You're getting thinner." 

 

"You're funny, Oppa."

 

Changmin smiled a bit to the way she called him. _Oppa._ It was funny how he missed that. "Oppa is hungry."

 

Gayoung didn't answer, but followed Changmin to the hotdog stall.

 

"Do you want one?"

 

Gayoung shook her head.

 

Changmin bought the biggest one so he could share it with her, though she said she didn't want any. Still, he offered the hotdog to her, and Gayoung took a bite. And though she ate it cleanly, Changmin brushed the corner of her lips with his thumb, "There's some sauce..."

 

Gayoung said nothing and they continued exploring. They rode the spinning cups, roller coaster after Changmin finished his hotdogs, and did shooting games. By midday Gayoung smiled and laughed again, and Changmin felt much better than he ever was that week.

 

They rode the carrousel and Changmin absentmindedly thought that Gayoung looked beautiful that day. She tied her hair to a ponytail, wore yellow summer dress with random cartoon printed on it and a pair of sneakers. She laughed at the cheesy childish theme song, and Changmin took a photo of her without her noticing with his phone.

 

They filled their stomach with topokki and when the lights were on, they hopped in the ferriswheel, sat face to face.

 

"Is today okay?"

 

Gayoung looked at him, and let out a smile. "It's okay, Oppa."

 

Changmin smiled back. "Do you... forgive me yet?"

 

"What's to forgive?"

 

Changmin's feelings lightened up.

 

Gayoung's shoulders fell down, and she looked a bit sad. "You're not apologizing anyway." she said. "I wonder if... you're even sorry."

 

That was like a bullet to his heart.

 

Gayoung looked out to the night sky, tried to enjoy to beautiful view from the gorgeous colorful lamp from below though her inside was burning. Changmin could saw the lights reflected on her eyes, they were sad, and there was no smile on her lips.

 

"I'm sorry." his voice was quiet and thin, but he really hoped Gayoung would know how much he meant it. He looked at the girl sitting in front of him, who was still looking outside the window. He touched her hand, and when she didn't pull it away, he covered her hand with his.

 

She looked at him.

 

And Changmin wanted nothing but to turn back time, to when she was the old Gayoung. The girl who looked to only him. Who would do anything to make him happy. At that time, he should've treated her nicer, so much nicer, like a princess.

 

He could feel her legs between his, his knees touched the outsides of Gayoung's thighs. Changmin leaned forward, shifted closer, and he could see her, near and clear, her eyes sparkling, but also dark, just like stars in the night, and he could see every strands of her eyelashes. Their breaths mingled and Changmin closed his eyes slowly.

 

"Fireworks," Gayoung whispered.

 

Changmin opened his eyes.

 

They were still close to each other, Gayoung didn't back off a bit, but her eyes weren't on Changmin. “Behind you,” she added, smiled a bit.

 

Changmin turned to look, and yes, there were fireworks dancing in the sky. And as he looked at Gayoung, he wasn't surprised that she looked down to the crowd below. Smiling wide. 

 

And Changmin needed that somehow. To know she was there. With him. And happy.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin didn't expect Gayoung went to school with her father again that morning. He thought he was... forgiven. So he went to her class during break time, wanted to talk to her.

 

"Are you still mad at me?" he asked. They were outside, sitting on a bench under a tree.

 

"I'm not mad." Gayoung said. 

 

"Then why are you still ignoring me?"

 

"I'm not, Oppa. Look, we're talking."

 

Changmin ran his fingers through his hair. "Listen Gayoung, I'm really sorry about-"

 

"I'm not mad, Oppa," Gayoung cut him. "You apologized, and I can't be angry anymore... you know how I feel towards you..." she looked at him. “But… you apologizing doesn’t answer the question and- and I just... don't understand."

 

"About what?"

 

Gayoung took a deep breath. "Why did you let her kiss you? I mean... why would you do that?"

 

Changmin looked at her deeply.

 

"And that's her first kiss, I bet you know that. And you let her have you as her first kiss? And you know she has somebody else she likes? Why she let you? Why you let her?" Gayoung just blurted them all out. "Why?"

 

Changmin sighed. "Because she asked me to."

 

Gayoung blinked. "That's all?"

 

"... yeah."

 

"Then why you never let me kiss you?"

 

"It's not 'never'," Changmin gave some pressure on the last word. "I just think the time is not-"

 

"But you let her kiss you. At school. Her first kiss. With you. Which is not her boyfriend. And you are my boyfriend. Well, at least I think so..." Gayoung added quietly.

 

"Yes, I am your boyfriend." Changmin quickly said in approval.

 

"Then why you kissed another girl when she asked you but you didn't let your girlfriend to do that?" Gayoung looked at him sadly. "Please, tell me honestly Oppa... I'm so sick having this... this ugly thought in my head."

 

Changmin looked at her, looking at him, and exhaled. "I liked her."

 

Gayoung expected that answer. But still, it hurt so bad, so bad. "More than me." it wasn't a question.

 

But Changmin said yes.

 

"Then why... you... never tell me? That you like another woman? Why you didn't tell her? And on top of that, why did you agree to be my boyfriend?"

 

Changmin couldn't answer that. 

 

"And... gosh, after all this time, you... just leading me on, like an idiot, and though actually I know you don't like me-"

 

"What? I've never said I don't like you!" Changmin said quickly.

 

"I heard!" Gayoung glared to him. "I heard you telling one of your friends that you actually accepted me so I wouldn't ask you the same question over and over again!"

 

Changmin's eyes widened.

 

"And why do I keep you? Even after I know that? Why don't I have any guts to just cut you off my life!?" Gayoung's breath was heavy. "You lie to me, Oppa." she looked at him emptily, a tear fell from her eye. "I thought you'd never do that."

 

"I liked her, Gayoung, but-" Changmin tried to explain. 

 

Gayoung shook her head, wiped dry her eyes, and stood up.

 

Changmin stood up as well. "Wait, listen," he held her wrist. 

 

"Stop it." Gayoung pulled her hand, but Changmin wasn't letting go.

 

"Gayoung," Changmin held her wrist with his right hand, his left one held her right arm, prevented her from leaving.

 

"It hurts, Oppa," she kept pulled her hand weakly. "People are looking, let go."

 

"Gayoung, just-"

 

"Please, Oppa..." Gayoung begged, her eyes teary. "It hurts."

 

Changmin could see betrayal, disappointment, and sadness in her eyes. And maybe, that was what hurts. He slowly released her, just stood there and watched as she left.

 

 

*

 

 

"Umma?" Changmin's eyes widened and he walked towards the car. "What are you doing here?!"

 

"Omo, Son, what a great way to greet your mother," Mrs Shim said cynically. "Where's Gayoung?"

 

"What?" Changmin thought he heard that wrong. "Gayoung?"

 

"Uh huh, I wanna go out shopping with her." Mrs Shim lifted up her shades and looked around the school. "Where's she?"

 

"I... I don't know."

 

"Call her." 

 

Changmin sighed. "You call her."

 

Mrs Shim gave Changmin a glare.

 

Changmin tsked and took his phone from his pocket and called her. And of course she wasn't answering.

 

"Is she still studying?"

 

"No, they should be finished already. Only the seniors who have additional lessons." Changmin looked at his phone disappointedly.

 

"I already ask Hyeryeon so I can kidnap her daughter this afternoon, but where is she?"

 

Changmin took her mother's phone from the dashboard and called Gayoung's number with her phone. And she answered. He gave back the phone to her. "Here, Gayoung's answering."

 

"Gayoung ya! Hello!"

 

Changmin looked away, tried to hide the jealousy from his face. He could see how happy her mother was when talking to Gayoung, and seemed like Gayoung said yes, because...

 

"Okay! Imo is near the gate! You come out, I'm waiting here... yes, yes... okay, Gayoung!"

 

"Why are you going with her?" Changmin asked her mother.

 

"Why... I always go with her." Mrs Shim muttered.

 

"Aren't you gonna ask me out too?"

 

"Didn't you say you have additional lesson?" Mrs Shim asked back.

 

Changmin hoped he didn't frown. "Where are you going?"

 

"I have to buy some vegetables... and fruits... and oh, we run out of rice too. Do you want anything?"

 

Changmin shook his head. "Don't make her carry the shopping bags."

 

Mrs Shim's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

 

"Hi, Imo! I thought you're waiting on- oh, Oppa, hello," Gayoung gave Changmin a quick little bow to him.

 

Changmin felt awkward. "Hello."

 

Mrs Shim felt confused with the formal relationship between the two of them, but didn't say anything. "Gayoung-ah, get in! Let's go!"

 

Gayoung walked around the car, and sat next to Mrs Shim and put on the seatbelt.

 

"Join us later if you want," Mrs Shim put her shades back on. "See you, Minnie!"

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin met up with them later, and they were eating patbingsoo in Mrs Shim's favourite restaurant. The table was round so Changmin couldn't avoid to sit beside Gayoung. He noticed the girl became quiet, but said nothing.

 

"Omo... there's a lot of couple in here... I should've gone with your father, but he's still at work." Mrs Shim said to Changmin. "Oh! Gayoung-ah, I just remembered..." 

 

Gayoung looked at her.

 

"What about your date in the Summer Festival? Does he like you?" Mrs Shim asked interestedly. "I mean... you've put on makeup for hours and Luna even did your hair... and you've dressed up prettily for him. What a hard work..." 

 

Gayoung laughed a bit. Felt grateful because there was no food in her mouth, or she would chock on it.

 

Changmin stopped eating. God, if only her mother knew she was talking about her own son. But wait. How did she know that? And again, so... his mother knew Gayoung dressed up for someone, but didn't know it was him? Did it mean that Gayoung didn't tell her who was that 'someone'? But well..., Changmin sighed. He was the one who told Gayoung not to tell anybody.

 

"So how was it? I mean... did he tell you that you're beautiful? Because you are, especially that night! All those fuss should be paid, right, Gayoung-ah?" Mrs Shim talked enthusiastically, her spoon danced in the air. "Did he fall for you?"

 

Gayoung put down her spoon. "Um... no, Imo." she answered slowly.

 

Changmin could feel the ice melt slowly in his mouth.

 

"What? Is he an idiot or something?" Mrs Shim asked.

 

Gayoung gave her a smile. "Well, it just turned out that... he already has someone else in his heart. So..."

 

"Ahh... what a pity." Mrs Shim sighed deeply. "Oh, what about you, Son? Do you have a girlfriend?"

 

Changmin didn't answer. Head down and chewed his patbingsoo quietly.

 

"Or someone you like?" Mrs Shim added, nudged her son with her shoulder. "Tell me, Gayoung, do you see someone with this Oppa at school? You must know, right?"

 

Gayoung didn't answer at first, but Mrs Shim insisted, gave codes with her eyes. "She's pretty."

 

Changmin lifted his head from his bowl and looked at the girl beside him.

 

"Really? What else?"

 

Gayoung tried to push down her feelings before continued. "She's in the same class with Changmin Oppa. And... I think they're pretty close..."

 

"Aigoo, that's good!" Mrs Shim looked at Changmin excitedly. "Good job, Son!" she patted her back. "Oh, Gayoung, your mother just texted me,"

 

Mrs Moon  worked as a sales supervisor in one of the department store there. She always informed Mrs Shim for discounts and other promos.

 

"Let's go there. Then later we can go home together!"

 

They decided to visit Mrs Moon  first, and Changmin opened the car's door for Gayoung.

 

"It's okay. You can sit in front." Gayoung said, walked to the back.

 

"No, my mother would rather talk to you anyway." Changmin replied.

 

"Yah, Changmin-ah! Let the lady sit in front! Be a gentleman!" Mrs Shim said from the other side, opened the car and sat in the driver's seat.

 

Changmin's mouth opened in protest, but said anything. Gayoung finally moved and sat next to Mrs Shim. They arrived not long after and Mrs Shim pulled Gayoung's hand, went exploring the crowded department store from one shop to another, drooling after pairs of shoes or bags and clutches. Changmin tiredly trailed after them, stole some glace to the mirror to look at Gayoung.

 

"Are you tired, Gayoung?" Mrs Shim asked, noticed how Gayoung became quiet. "Or sick?"

 

"Uh, I'm okay, Imo." Gayoung quickly answered.

 

Mrs Shim looked at her concernedly. "Should I ask Changmin to take you home?"

 

Changmin, heard his name being called, came to his mother.

 

"No, no, Imo. I'm fine." Gayoung quickly said.

 

"Oh, that's your mother," Mrs Shim noticed Mrs Moon. "Hyeryeon-ah!" she called Gayoung's mother.

 

The mothers talked to each other cheerfully and Changmin took the chance to talk to Gayoung. He took her wrist and they went somewhere quieter.

 

"Why did you say that to her?" Changmin asked Gayoung.

 

Gayoung gulped. "Then what do you expect me to say?"

 

"Why didn't you just say that... you... you were trying to impress me and that- that... I'm your boyfriend." Changmin stuttered a bit.

 

"But you don't want anyone to know, do you?" Gayoung replied. "And I'm done with that... I don't think we're having that kind of relationship anymore."

 

Changmin's eyes widened in shock. "What? What do you mean?"

 

"It's ended." she answered shortly, looked down.

 

"No." Changmin said firmly. "How can you say it's ended?"

 

"I don't want it."

 

"Well I still want it." Changmin said. "And I don't like... who's the girl you thought I like anyway?"

 

Gayoung hissed. "Why are you keep-" she groaned. "I hate saying her name, okay! But I know you like her! And who else is pretty and you like, anyway, there're another ton of girls?"

 

"You're pretty and beautiful." Changmin's shoulder fell.

 

"You never said that." She mumbled quietly.

 

"I should've. And you are. And that night, you were so stunning and it was hard to take my eyes off you." he added.

 

"Yeah, but you know I wasn't talking about me." Gayoung said. “I'm not your classmate."

 

Changmin looked at her deeply. "Gayoung, I... towards you, I..."

 

Gayoung waited. Looked at him hopefully. What... what is your feeling towards me?

 

"I actually-" Changmin groaned frustatedly, ran his fingers through his hair. "It's not easy for me to say..." he looked at her hopelessly.

 

Gayoung didn't want to show her disappointment. "Imo will be looking for us." she turned and walked away to find Mrs Shim.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Gayoung was waiting outside for her father. He was still in the garage. But someone held her left hand, pulled her and walked. "Oppa!" 

 

Changmin looked at her and smiled. "Don't you always want to hold hands when walking?"

 

Gayoung looked back. Her father's car went out from the garage. "My Appa is-"

 

"Samchon! Don't worry, I'll take Gayoungie to school!" Changmin waved to Mr Moon.

 

Mr Moon waved back through his car window.

 

Gayoung could feel her hand getting sweaty from the nervousness and somehow her heart beat so hard. She pulled her hand. But Changmin caught it.

 

"Let go," Gayoung said.

 

"Where are you going?" Changmin looked at her.

 

"I'm not going anywhere! Oppa, release my hand." Gayoung pulling out her hand.

 

"What are you going to do with it anyway?"

 

"Picking my nose." Gayoung replied randomly.

 

Changmin gave her a disgusted look. "Use your other hand."

 

"I always use my left one." Gayoung smiled cheekily, amused by Changmin's expression.

 

Changmin realized she was kidding, then gave her his left free hand. "Here. Use mine."

 

Gayoung took Changmin's hand, held out his pinky and pointed it to her nose hole. "AH! Oppa, are you really gonna do this!?"

 

"Then are you really gonna do that?" Changmin laughed.

 

Gayoung pouted. "My hand is sweaty, Oppa...it's embarrassing. Let go." she finally said.

 

Changmin let out an understanding sigh. "Mine too. It's okay."

 

But Gayoung wiggled her hand until she was free from Changmin's grasp. Changmin quickly got a hold of her elbow. She looked at him. "What are you doing?"

 

"Just... in case you run away." he replied innocently.

 

"Of course not!" she scoffed. "That's so stupid..."

 

"Did you just call me stupid?"

 

"Well, Oppa, you-"

 

"Yah, now I ask who is the one who did a single simple math question for an hour!?" 

 

Gayoung closed her mouth and looked away, walked faster and left Changmin behind.

 

Changmin felt bad. He ran after her. "Hey," he nudged her shoulder.

 

Gayoung said nothing.

 

"Hey, I'm sorry..." Changmin said.

 

Gayoung didn't look at him. 

 

"Gayoung-ah," Changmin touched her shoulder. "Are you angry?"

 

Gayoung gave him a look. And stuck out her tongue. "Of course not! I'm just kidding, Oppa," she laughed.

 

Changmin glared at her. Huffed, folded his arms and walked fast.

 

Gayoung blinked. "Oppa..." she went after him. "Are you angry?"

 

"No." Changmin responded, a bit roughly, though he smiled in his heart.

 

"Fine." Gayoung said nothing else.

 

Changmin gave her a disappointed look. Gayoung widened her eyes innocently. He sighed. "You... make me feel really cheap."

 

 

*

 

 

"Hi, Gayoung!"

 

"Hi!" Gayoung greeted Suho back. She was going to the canteen with Luna and Sujeong, who patted her butt playfully and pushed her to Suho.

 

"See you later, Youngie~" Sujeong winked and went together with Luna, left her alone with Suho. There was someone whistling. Jongin, who sat two tables away from them. Suho gave him a glare and the boys laughed.

 

Suho smiled to her nervously. "Do you want to eat together?"

 

"Eat. Your. Heart. You mean?"

 

Gayoung gasped and looked at the man who just talked. She hit him hard. "Yah!"

 

Suho bowed awkwardly to Changmin.

 

"She's my girlfriend." Changmin stated.

 

Suho's eyes widened and he looked at Gayoung and Changmin back and forth.

 

Gayoung gave Changmin a warning glare. "I don't say anything about being your girlfriend." she whispered.

 

"But I-"

 

"And you're so mean. Apologize to him," Gayoung slapped Changmin back.

 

"What?" Changmin narrowed his eyes.

 

"Apologize." she repeated firmly.

 

Changmin sighed and looked at Suho. "I'm sorry."

 

Gayoung gave Suho a small smile.

 

Changmin pulled her wrist and walked away from Suho.

 

"Oppa! What the- stop!" Gayoung hit Changmin's arm.

 

Changmin made him sat in one of the seat, and sat in front of her. "What's with you and Suho?" he put a paper bag on the table. "Do you like him?"

 

"Well... he... made me feel special." Gayoung said slowly.

 

"He said that you're beautiful and you're that happy? You like it so much?"

 

"Well, it's nice to hear." Gayoung retorted. 

 

Changmin scoffed. "You're so cheap."

 

Gayoung fumed. "Right! Even I'm that cheap, it's so hard for you to make me happy before, huh?" she stood up. "I'm having lunch with him."

 

"Wait!" Changmin held her hand. "I... I make us lunch." he took the lunchboxes out from the bag.

 

"You really cook this yourself?" Gayoung looked at the lunchbox Changmin gave suspiciously, slowly sat back.

 

"Of course... you know my Umma can't cook." Changmin said, opened his own lunchbox, had the same menu with Gayoung; kimchi fried rice, egg rolls, and three octopus sausages.

 

"Really?" Gayoung asked again.

 

Changmin sighed. "Why you won't believe me?"

 

"Then why you suddenly cook lunch for me?" Gayoung took the chopsticks.

 

"I'm just-" Changmin exhaled. "I realized that I have to treat you well... and... I haven't done a good job of it." he trailed off.

 

Gayoung said nothing. 

 

"And what's with your girlfriends? I thought they're supporting me, but they pushed you to Suho?" Changmin said, mouth already full with food. "And, and... why are they cheering you on with him?"

 

"They're Suho's friend... I think they know he likes me." Gayoung stabbed the sausages with her chopstick.

 

Changmin hummed lowly and mumbled something.

 

Gayoung looked at him. "What?"

 

"Do you like him?" Changmin refused to look at her.

 

Gayoung didn't answer.

 

Changmin lifted his head. "Do you like him?" he repeated.

 

"Well, he's nice to me." Gayoung said. And doesn't kissing girls around, she wanted to add.

 

"Why is everybody like him?" Changmin almost groaned.

 

"Who?"

 

Changmin sighed deeply. "Qian likes him."

 

Changmin's lunch was appetizing and Gayoung gulped down her saliva once she smelt the delicious fried rice. But she didn't feel like eating anymore. She remembered Song Qian said that she liked someone younger. "So you're jealous because she likes him?"

 

Changmin looked at her confusedly. "What?"

 

"So that's why you're upset? Because Song Qian likes Suho?"

 

"What?! Gosh, no!" Changmin quickly denied it. "It's not because of her! Okay?! It's you!" he exhaled.

 

"Me?!" Gayoung's eyes widened in shock.

 

"Just forget it." it was quiet for a while and Changmin knew that he shouldn't mention her. He took a piece of eggroll with his chopstick and offered it to Gayoung. "It's really delicious."

 

Gayoung huffed, leaned back and folded her arms. 

 

"I woke up 4 am in the morning for this." Changmin said, still held the eggroll in the air.

 

"I'm not hungry." Gayoung muttered.

 

"How come you never hungry when you're with me?"

 

"Well, you make me lost my appetite."

 

Changmin's hand fell in defeat. "Just... can you at least eat it a little? I make them for you." he hated how his voice sounded whiny.

 

Gayoung sighed, opened her mouth and let Changmin fed her a piece of eggroll.

 

Changmin looked at her hopefully. "Okay?"

 

"It's good." she chewed slowly.

 

Changmin smiled in relieve, and fed Gayoung more food. "Can't you feed me back?" he asked as Gayoung devoured another spoon of fried rice. "My lunchbox is empty already, look at yours,"

 

She shook her head, cheeks full with rice. It was like Changmin was feeding Gayoung and himself from the his lunchbox, and she ate more from Changmin than from her own lunchbox. They weren't talking, too busy munching. And Gayoung didn't want to tell that Changmin's cooking was delicious, but felt like the man already knew it from how she devoured the food.

 

In the end Changmin ate the rest of Gayoung's lunchbox because she was full already.

 

 

*

 

 

Suho stopped her before Gayoung went into her class. "So... is Changmin sunbae really your boyfriend?"

 

Gayoung bit her lip. "He... used to."

 

"Oh," Suho hid his disappointment. "I... never knew he's such a possessive guy."

 

"Yeah... he wasn't, I think." Gayoung replied.

 

Suho let out an awkward laugh. "It would be nice to be friends with you."

 

"Thank you. I'd like that." Gayoung smiled.

 

 

*

 

 

“You don’t have the after school lesson?” Gayoung asked when Changmin walked home with her.

 

“No. I got a perfect mark for this lesson so I don’t need it.” Changmin said.

 

Gayoung scoffed.

 

“It’s real. The teacher said it herself. Mrs Han.” Changmin nudged Gayoung.

 

“Okay, smarty Oppa.” Gayoung said sarcastically, and Changmin just chuckled.

 

It started to rain, was just a drizzle and the two fasten their steps.

 

“Should we find a shelter?” Changmin asked.

 

Gayoung looked up to the sky, which wasn’t that dark. “Let’s just walk. It’s not that far anyway.”

 

But the rain got heavier and in second they were drenched wet and Changmin pulled her to the nearest convenience store. “Let’s stay for a while.”

 

Gayoung blew away a stand of wet hair away from her face and adjusts her headband. “Ah, right! I think I bring an umbrella…” she rummaged through her bag.

 

“How come you don’t remember that?” Changmin said as she pulled out her umbrella.

 

“Well, I forgot, okay!” Gayoung said.

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to raise your voice.” Changmin took the umbrella from her and opened it. “Come on.”

 

They walked side by side, arms stuck to each other but Changmin didn’t have the gut to hold her hand, a bit of afraid he’d get rejected again. Sometimes, he hoped that he was like her. Had some nerve to do things. To be the first to reach out for hand. To lean closer for a kiss. To confess your feelings…

 

There were two guys walking from the opposite side and they were staring at Gayoung. Then there was a man in suit, also gave her a look. Changmin looked at them confusedly. And when there were two other schoolboys walking past them, they were also staring, and whispered to each other. Changmin caught their glance.

 

To her breasts.

 

The rain made her white uniform wet and see through, and when he looked at the girl beside her, he could see clearly the blue bra she was wearing underneath that shirt uniform.

 

Another walked by and he frankly enjoyed the view even from three steps away.

 

“Yah!” Changmin couldn’t hold it. Gayoung flinched in surprise, and the man even also startled, almost lost his grip to his umbrella. “You pervert!”

 

The man quickly walked away, and Gayoung awkwardly covered her body with her arms.

 

“Why you don’t wear undershirt?”

 

“I had PE class today and forgot to bring another one…” Gayoung bit her lip. Gosh, it was really embarrassing. Changmin could see it too!

 

Changmin sighed and told Gayoung to stand behind him. “You walk behind me, okay.”

 

Gayoung mumbled a yes.

 

“Does the rain get you?” Changmin asked, turned his face to the side.

 

“No, it’s okay, Oppa.” It was kind of hard to walk close behind him, she almost got stepped on Changmin’s big foot twice and she unconsciously held Changmin’s shirt.

 

The man didn’t protest, though. They just walked home in silent.

 

When they reached home, Changmin turned around and handed the umbrella to Gayoung.

 

“Take this to your home first, Oppa. It’s still raining,” Gayoung said.

 

“It’s okay,” Changmin said, head bent down a bit because Gayoung was holding the umbrella and she was shorter than him. The top of his head hit the umbrella.

 

Gayoung felt too self conscious about her see through shirt. But she could see Changmin was looking to her eyes. And that made her felt even more nervous. “You’re wet.” She could see drops of water on Changmin’s face, down to his chin. He must’ve held the umbrella too much to the back so she wouldn’t get wet.

 

Changmin just smiled. That gorgeous, handsome mismatched smile. With his eyes so bright in this gloomy weather, and face so close to her, made Gayoung’s limbs felt weak and she dropped her hands a little, made the umbrella went down, brought Changmin’s head even closer to her.

 

She just looked at him, and could see that his smile faded a little. Gayoung could see his wet eyelashes, and he leaned closer to her. His breath felt hot on her cold face.

 

It was a kiss.

 

Almost.

 

Because Gayoung leaned away, and the umbrella fell from her hand. “I- I’m sorry, Oppa,”

 

Changmin said nothing but took the umbrella from the ground, and held it up. They were standing closer than before.

 

Gayoung could see the disappointed look on his face. “I just-“ she took a deep breath.

 

“Hate me?” Changmin finished her words quietly.

 

“No!” Gayoung quickly replied. “It just that… you were about to kiss me and it just- I keep-“ she closed her eyes. “It just reminds me of… you kissing another woman.”

 

Changmin frowned. He couldn’t say anything about that.

 

“I know this sound childish…” she mumbled. “But I can’t erase the picture of you kissing her, hold her with- with your hands, and- you kissed her! With your lips,” Gayoung looked at Changmin’s lips.

 

“Is that why you don’t want to hold hands with me? Because I held her?”

 

“Maybe… I don’t know…” Gayoung looked down sadly. “And I just can’t kiss you.”

 

“Gayoung, believe me, I don’t like her anymore! Not more than as friends!” Changmin looked at her deeply.

 

Gayoung said nothing.

 

“It’s my fault to break your trust in me, but… now I… I really…” Changmin felt frustrated. Why it was so hard to voice out his feelings? “Look, you should’ve known how I feel about you, right?”

 

Gayoung was puzzled.

 

“Kids! What are you doing in the middle of the rain?”

 

Gayoung gasped and Changmin almost jumped in his place.

 

“Umma!” Changmin protested.

 

Mrs Shim was in her car, window rolled down half to prevent the rain coming in his car. “Son, are you trying to kiss Gayoungie?!”

 

“Imo!”

“Umma!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, continue it, kids,” Mrs Shim rolled up her window.

 

Changmin teeth clenched tight, he gripped the umbrella hard enough to break it. “Umma! Go!” he yelled to the car, which was unmoving. It was clear that Mrs Shim was still watching them.

 

When the car got in to the Shim’s house garage, Changmin looked back at her.

 

“Let’s just go home.” Gayoung said finally.

 

“Yeah…” Changmin rubbed the back of his neck, looked down. And caught a glimpse of her bra accidentally. “You should… go inside. Quick.” He said awkwardly.

 

“Right.” Gayoung almost forgot about her wet shirt.

 

 

*

 

 

“Are you sick?” Changmin looked at Gayoung, who was wearing a mask and jacket. They were walking to school the next morning.

 

“I’m fine.” she coughed, but disguised it like she was lightly clearing her throat.

 

“You should’ve stayed at home…” Changmin said warily. He pulled down Gayoung’s mask and her nose was red. “See?”

 

Gayoung tsked and pulled up the mask. “I’m fine.” She repeated.

 

“You’re sick, Gayoung-ah.” Changmin stated the fact.

 

“I’m not…” but then she coughed.

 

“That’s it. Let’s go home.” Changmin pulled Gayoung’s hand and dragged him home. “Why do you insist to go to school in this kind of condition…” he mumbled.

 

Her house was empty. Gayoung changed her clothes to warmer ones when Changmin was looking for medicine for her.

 

Gayoung was curling under the blanket when he came to his bedroom. “I really should’ve stayed at home…” she wiped the snot from his nose.

 

“Then why are you going out?” Changmin asked, gave him the warm water.

 

Gayoung put his cold palm around the glass thankfully. “I thought I’d get better...”

 

Changmin said nothing and gave him the medicine. “You have eaten breakfast, right?”

 

Gayoung didn’t answer.

 

“You haven’t?”

 

“I woke up late because not feeling well…” Gayoung said quietly.

 

Changmin hissed. “You know that you’re sick, but why aren’t you eating breakfast? And even you force yourself to go to school?”

 

Gayoung covered his head with the blanket. “Don’t yell! My head is dizzy, Oppa..!”

 

Feeling sorry, Changmin sat on the bed next to her, pulled the blanket and unveiled her face slowly. Her eyes were glassy and her nose was more red that before. “I’m gonna find you some food.” He patted Gayoung’s head and went out to the kitchen.

 

There was a pot of chicken soup in the fridge. Changmin took it out and put it on the stove. There was still some rice in the rice cooker, maybe Mrs Moon just cooked it this morning. When he was rolling his sleeves up, Gayoung came down to the kitchen.

 

“You should get some rest.” Changmin said, stirred the soup once in a while.

 

“I feel bad to make you do these things, Oppa…” Gayoung sat and put his head on the dining table.

 

“… what things..?”

 

“You have to skipped school and even cook for me… and your tests are coming, right?” Gayoung frowned, used her folded arms on the table as pillow for her heavy head.

 

“What are you saying… you’d do the same for me.” Changmin said. When he was finished with the food, he turned around to see that she was sleeping already.

 

 

*

 

 

Gayoung startled awake and suddenly she was in the air. She gasped as she realized what happened. “Oppa, put me down!”

 

Changmin held her up in his arms, carried her to her bedroom. “You’re heavy.” He said as he climbed the stairs.

 

“That’s why, I can walk- ah!” Gayoung tightened her holding around Changmin’s neck and shoulder as he slipped on a step.

 

“See? You’re not letting go either.”

 

Gayoung huffed, gulped slowly as she realized how close they were. Heck, there was not a space left between their bodies. Changmin’s scent was familiar, and she felt safe because of it. Protected.

 

Changmin put her down carefully on her bed and went down again to bring a tray of food. He put it in the table and sat next to her in the bed. He held the bowl and fed her.

 

“You don’t have to do this, Oppa…” Gayoung said as Changmin lifted the spoon to her mouth.

 

“It’s the least I can do.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Changmin put the spoon back to the bowl. “I know I wasn’t a good boyfriend for you. A very terrible one.” He said nervously. “You were always around me. I didn’t know how to make you stop doing that, with, with your silly smile and stupid laugh…” he looked at her. “And you’re so considerate and affectionate I just don’t know what to do. And I don’t know why I did something that disappointed you, that made you angry and walked away from my life when I’m already fine with you in it. I feel so lonely and empty. I want you back in my world.”

 

Their eyes met.

 

Changmin took a deep breath. “You’ve changed the way I feel towards you.”

 

Gayoung blinked in confusion.

 

“I just don’t know how to say it. And I wish I can just show it instead, but… it’s harder than I imagined.” Changmin continued.

 

They were still for a moment, before Gayoung gave Changmin a calming smile. “I must be very heavy…” she wiped Changmin’s forehead with her hand. “You’re sweating a lot.”

 

Changmin scoffed and looked down. Saw the bowl on his lap and remembered that Gayoung should be eating, and started to feed her.

 

 

*

 

 

On Saturday, Sujeong came to her house. “You feel better?”

 

“I’m perfectly healthy right now.” Gayoung just finished shower. “Luna isn’t coming?”

 

“We’re meeting up with her in the park. I think she’s with Kyungsoo.”

 

Gayoung hummed.

 

“She should’ve come here so she could do your hair.” Sujeong mumbled as she sat on her bed.

 

“Why? It’s okay.” Gayoung took a loose sweater and wore it with a pair of jeans.

 

“You’re gonna wear that?” Sujeong lifted her eyebrows.

 

“Why?” Gayoung looked at her. “We’re just going to the park, right?”

 

“Well- yeah…” Sujeong hesitated a bit. “Let’s go.”

 

When they arrived at the park, Gayoung wanted to buy ice cream but Sujeong told her not to, and she started to feel suspicious of her friend’s behavior. They kept walking until Sujeong stopped abruptly.

 

“What’s with you?” Gayoung asked.

 

But then she heard a faint melody.

 

“Gayoung-ah,” and Changmin’s voice.

 

She turned around, and there he was. Held the guitar and standing awkwardly, tried to ignore people staring to him. Gayoung could also see Yoochun, who was standing by, ready with his keyboard.

 

“You asked me to sing you a song, right?” Changmin asked again. He was like five metres away from her, and she was somehow frozen in her spot, unable to move closer or even breath.  “I will sing this for you.” Changmin said again, then he gave a little nod to Yoochun, who started to play the keyboard.

 

_“Tears keep flowing_   
_I don’t even have the strength to wipe them away now_   
_It seems like your traces will be erased as well_   
_But I probably don’t want that_   
_Which is why I cry again_

_Because I couldn’t say I love you_   
_Because I don’t have that kind of courage_   
_I am sorry I can’t say a word to you who was leaving_   
_I miss you even more_

_I keep sighing_   
_Even after time passes, I miss you more_   
_I know I can’t ever see you again_   
_But I’m looking for you among the people in the street_

_Because I couldn’t say I love you_   
_Because I don’t have that kind of courage_   
_I am sorry I can’t say a word to you who was leaving_   
_I miss you even more_

_I want to tell you I love you_   
_But you’re not by my side anymore_

  
_I yell out that I miss you_   
_But I know I can’t turn things back_   
_So I miss you…”_

 

Changmin looked at her, who was still nailed in her place, unable to move an inch as she listened to him singing. Gayoung’s eyes somehow teary and Changmin walked to her.

 

“Is it okay?”

 

Gayoung breathed again. “It’s okay, Oppa.”

 

Changmin slowly reached to her hand. “I… I can’t say those words… I don’t know how to say it.” He looked at her deeply. “But I hope you understand.”

 

Gayoung smiled and nodded. “You just said it, silly Oppa.”

 

Changmin scoffed in relieved and pulled her in his embrace. And finally, she was in his world again. “I love you,” he whispered to her ear. Finally could say it all.

 

“I love you too,” Gayoung replied, hugged him tighter.

 

There was someone whistled and Gayoung could see the crowds were all staring, waiting. The weather got hotter and Gayoung tied up her hair to a messy bun. Damn, she really hoped she dressed prettily! And Luna to do her hair also!

 

“You… really should’ve sung when I asked you to…” Gayoung looked down, felt a bit embarrassed, but her arms were still around Changmin’s body.

 

“Why?” Changmin looked at her.

 

“Don’t we need more private place to-“

 

“Kiss?” Changmin cut her.

 

Gayoung looked at her unbelievably. “What?”

 

“Eii… is it about the kiss again?” Changmin pretended as if he was upset.

 

Gayoung’s mouth opened in a protest. “What? You the one who said it! That didn’t come to my mind until… you mention it now…” her voice went quiet.

 

Changmin leaned down and kissed her cheek. “We had our first kiss already.”

 

Gayoung pulled her arm from their hug. “If you’re talking about that kiss after Suho confessed to me, it doesn’t count.”

 

Changmin hummed in a deep thought. “Well, if you counted that anyway, that would be two.”

 

Gayoung blinked. “What? So there’s another one?”

 

Changmin just chuckled, put his guitar in his bag and slung the bag on his shoulder.

 

“When did we kiss? How come I don’t know? Oppa!” Gayoung nagged him.

 

“Let’s go,” Changmin took her hand. “Didn’t you say you want to go somewhere more private?”

 

Watching the couple walked away, Sujeong grinned to herself, didn’t realize Yoochun took a seat beside her on the grass.

 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Yoochun asked Sujeong.

 

Soojung was going to look away but didn’t want to seem impolite but looking at Yoochun’s eyes made her nervous so she just looked at his lips. And damn it looked so soft and- Sujeong cleared her throat. “None right now.”

 

Yoochun hummed. “Too bad,” he said. “I have a girlfriend.”

 

Sujeong wished Yoochun couldn’t sense her disappointment. “Th- that’s good.”

 

Yoochun grinned. “I’m just kidding!”

 

Sujeong let out an awkward laugh, then said seriously, “I’m kidding too. I have a boyfriend already.”

 

Yoochun almost frown. “Oh.”

 

Sujeong laughed. “No, I don’t have one.” She said quickly.

 

“Let’s stop this game and find some food, what you say?” Yoochun asked, and Sujeong nodded eagerly.

 

 

*

 

 

Changmin was reheating the soup in the Moon’s kitchen. Gayoung was sick and hadn’t eaten her breakfast, and the silly girl went to school with empty stomach.

 

“I feel bad to make you do these things, Oppa…” Gayoung said as Changmin was stirring the soup.

 

“What things?” Changmin replied slowly.

 

“You have to skipped school and even cook for me… and your tests are coming, right?”

 

Changmin smiled to himself. She was always like this. Put someone else in front of her. He didn’t understand how she could care so much about him. How she remembered all little things about him. It was burdensome in some point, but he also felt grateful for it.

 

“What are you saying… you’d do the same for me.” Changmin finally said.

 

He turned off the stove and poured the hot soup to the bowl. He also heated the rice, and the steam came out as soon as he opened the lid. He scooped some rice, and took a pair of chopsticks and a spoon from the drawer.

 

When he brought the food to the table, Gayoung was sleeping. She was breathing slowly, and Changmin thought Gayoung looked so peaceful like this.

 

_An angel_ , he thought randomly. And felt embarrassed of how cheesy his thought was. He brushed her cheekbone with his thumb, and leaned closer to her face, and kissed her.Her lips were a bit chapped and dry, but Changmin could feel her breath and it was calming and intoxicating at the same time.

 

He didn’t know how he got there. Kissing her.

 

Changmin quickly pulled back, stood up straight and took a deep breath as soon as he realized what he had done. Felt bad because she was asleep, and was sick and tired. But he just couldn’t help himself.

 

Changmin arranged her limbs and slung her right arm around his shoulder, put his arms under her thighs and lifted her up.

 

“Oppa, put me down!” Gayoung startled awoke.

 

Changmin just grinned. Wondered what if she knew what he done minutes earlier. “You’re heavy.” He missed a step on the stairs and almost fell.

 

Gayoung yelled and tightened her hold, and Changmin’s heart almost stopped beating.

 

And that was when he realized why he kissed her earlier. Maybe he had fallen too deep with this girl.

 


End file.
